The Last Months...

I have not been able keep up, The upheaval is too hard, it choked me to the ground... I could've died.

I secured a job in January, a day job, and it gave me the usual chills... High hopes, high standards, the sense of idealism was back. Then reality slammed me back to the ground. It was at the second week of January when I received a call for a job interview, as I have done with the previous affairs, I cooly said: "yes I'm coming" then scheduled for the job queue the next day. And what a day it was.

After getting to the directions I was told on the phone, I found myself wandering in the middle of Makati not knowing where to go I phoned the office for further directions. After getting further directions I saw myself staring at a private lot, I knocked and eased my way to a stairway leading to a small neat unit passing as an office. With all these said and done I took my test. At the middle of the exam felt uneasy all of the sudden, I know I wasn't feeling really good... I was also setting myself to flunk the exam. After that I proceeded for a little chit-chat with the employer and was told to wait for a call shortly days afterward.

Needless to say when I got home my suspicions were correct. I was getting a flu. It got me bed ridden for exactly two days. I should have taken it as a stern warning.

Days after I recieved the you're-hired-call. I was happy, confidence was back and as aforementioned high hopes, high standards, the sense of idealism was getting unto me. I guess I hoped too much and that was my undoing.

I will not go detailing all of what happened in the days following my decision but then again what I'm going to say is: I came, I saw and I surrendered. The people in the office are quite good the environment was not as friendly, it was intoxicating. Too much restrictions and too much yelling (which made me feel small, feeling everything I did in the period was wrong and I didn't do anything right) destroys the spirit and pulls you down. The weight was weighing me down, I can no longer push it up... It was then that I knew the fight is not worth fighting. Responsibility is overtaken by the need for self-esteem. Sun Tzu once wrote in his book The Art of War, which I am an avid follower, stated that "there are five essentials for victory:

(1) He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.
(2) He will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces.
(3) He will win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks.
(4) He will win who, prepared himself, waits to take the enemy unprepared.
(5) He will win who has military capacity and is not interfered with by the sovereign."

I took number one out. I am happy with my decision and will live by it, I think it was for the best of both parties. It's best that we don't pull each other down, me not cutting the company's continuous development and them not slighting me and my individuality. I have high respect for everyone and I don't want to damage anybody's reputation. With that I will have my final words on this subject: Respect begets respect.